Sunday, January 18, 2009

Reflections

I'm feeling very reflective this time of year. No, it's not Christmas time, I know. These are the weeks leading up to when my daughter was born. A lot of my thoughts have been about how if I had known what a newborn was really like (or maybe it was just mine), I would not have worked up until days before my due date. I would have slept a lot more, gone to more movies, gone out to eat much more, before she was born. I would have had all the things we needed in the car and I wouldn't have EVER stayed up late, just in case the baby came that night. Which is what happened to us!

I'm remembering the sweetness of that time. She was still an unknown person to everyone else but me. I remember feeling uncomfortable with those constant kicks in the ribs, the aching hips, the inability to even roll over in bed. After she was born, I missed them. Silly how those things work.

I remember getting her room perfectly ready. Thinking that she would enjoy calmly sleeping in her crib. Little did I know that it would take us 5 weeks to even think about getting her to sleep in her crib. She mostly slept in my arms in the easy chair (not comfortable!) or in her swing. I'll know better what to do next time! I had all of her clothes washed and ready for her to wear.

I can now look back on the weeks leading up to her birth and the few weeks after her birth with a kind of sweetness but if I'm honest with myself, and with you, they weren't easy. After her birth, I felt shocked that my whole world had changed so drastically. I felt like I would never have a moment of rest or relaxation again. I now know that all things shall pass. Babies grow up and learn to sleep. I remember looking in her closet the first week, as I sat there nursing, and desperately clinging to the hope that we could all get out of the house and go to church on Sunday. I had her outfit all picked out that first week. We did it, too. We went to church with her when she was 8 days old. I was so nervous about it too! I was so nervous that I would have to nurse at church. They even have a designated room for that. I was so silly!

I'm thankful that a year later, the memories of the sweet times when she snuggled constantly and slept a lot and was easily pacified with some milk are outweighing the blues and the shock of a new baby. I do hope that I can hold on to those other memories, just a bit, so that I can remember that it will all pass when we decide we're ready for another child. All of the memories are good ones because they all serve a purpose.

Most of all, I am remembering and am constantly thankful for the blessing of a wonderful little girl that God has given us. She is a joy to be around, fun and playful. She is healthy and growing. In fact, upon reflecting on year #1, the only time she has made a trip to the doctor was for her rash in June. I hope that I'm not jinxing her good health (don't want her to be sick for her birthday!) but I don't think I will. I love seeing her smiling face every morning and hearing her say over and over again "da". She is such a joy to me and I'm so blessed to be her momma!

3 comments:

Laura said...

Any luck renting or selling your Sterling house? I know what you mean about it being h ard to make quick trips with a baby. Again, I am using experience with my dogs, but I don't think they are going to be making many more trips back to Kansas with us! At least we can board them though...you can't really do that with a baby! :)

Jaime said...

Ha! No, although the day is coming when she can be away from us for longer periods of time. We actually found a renter today, I think. I hope they stay longer than 6 months!

ginabnina said...

It's amazing how quickly the whold world changes, isn't it!!

And I totally agree with the 'things I would have done differently' before the baby came list. I haven't been to see a movie in the theatre in 8 monthes, and I kinda miss ti....