On Being a Working Mom

This is not a subject that I touch on often. Primarily I don't talk about things on my blog that are too personal or that stir up too much emotion for me. I have learned my lesson in that regard. However this is a very big part of my life and in my quest to be authentic, I felt it was time to share a bit.


First of all, I want to preface this whole post by saying again on here that I love my job. Mainly I love the people that I work with and the people in the congregation. It makes it so much easier to leave for work everyday when it is such a wonderful environment. I have no idea how hard it would be if I didn't like it so much here. Anther pro for working is that I love the interaction that I have each day. I have some wonderful friends here and I enjoy seeing them everyday.


In spite of all of that, most days I still desperately miss my daughter. There are periods of time that I feel "used to" leaving her. Then there are the periods where I still cry when I leave her (yes, today) and feel almost desperate to reach her at the end of a day. It is not at all that I don't think she is getting good care, in fact, I think she is getting wonderful care! It is just that I feel a very strong pull and desire to take care of her . . . . not to miss the small things in her growing up. Somedays it is hard for me to even look at her picture(s) in my office because I miss her so terribly.


The biggest help of all lies in the fact that I am completely comfortable and confident in her care providers. We all know that Grandma Susan, Grandpa Wayne, and Aunt Jennie are just loving her up and are doing everything in their power to care for her when she is with them. I feel great knowing that she is in an environment where there is loving, learning, interaction, and healthy living. I feel the same way about her babysitter. It makes me feel good that Abigail is happy to see her sitter and is happy when I pick her up as well. She has a very kid-friendly home and is also particular about matters health, cleanliness, learning, breastfeeding, etc.


Another thing that has been a major help is that I am able to still bring her to work with me. It is getting more difficult to do so, because she is more interactive and won't just sleep through anything. Since my office is essentially in the copy room, it can get quite loud. I would still like to bring her so I'm brainstorming about ways to make it happen. This has helped tremendously with the separation aspect as well as being able to breastfeed Abigail. I told you my job was awesome.


At the same time, I am torn and I long to be the one to provide healthy meals and a clean and organized home for my family. I would love to have a garden . . . ok, I'd even take being able to keep my one hanging plant alive. I miss cleaning and organizing my home. I really do. I took for granted how easy it was to do before she came along, although I was probably equally as busy doing my other odd jobs.


I also am envious of the women who get to breastfeed exclusively (with no pumping). I have a love/hate relationship with my pump. I'm thankful that it has allowed me to only feed Abigail breastmilk for six months but at the same time after six months . . . it still hurts!


Another thing that I miss is cooking . . . I mean REALLY cooking. I do make dinner every night but it is usually things like whole wheat spaghetti (canned sauce), taco's, grilled chicken or steak with some sort of veggie. I used to REALLY cook and make great things like my own bread, homemade pizza (totally from scratch), super nachos, delicious soups (fiesta chowder, yum), etc. Now I am constantly thinking of what is the fastest and yet healthiest. It is quiet a juggling act. Many nights I wish I could pull out a frozen pizza but I resist that as often as possible as we also strive for healthy living. My struggle is to get dinner cooked and eaten before Abigail has a complete and total meltdown for bedtime.


Along with cooking, I miss eating. Oh sure, I eat (as you would know if you were around me very often) but I eat AT LEAST one meal a day in my car (I know, Mom, this is not good). Many times I eat two meals a day in my car, and the third one is usually with me sitting on the living room floor trying to entertain Abigail so we can scarf down what I just threw together as fast as I could before her bathtime comes around.


I also miss making Andrew lunch all the time. Since his move to a downtown job, his lunch spending as gone up. In some ways this is good, at least he isn't eating Taco Bell everyday like he was but in some ways this destroys the Dave-Ramsey-like-way we are trying to live. I feel the best about how things are going on the days that I get around to making his lunch. My husband's worst fault . . . here it is folks, is that he won't eat leftovers (unless I heat them up for him), so his lunch choices are limited.



Being a working mom is the biggest balancing act and one of the hardest (if not THE hardest) thing that I have ever had to do. At times it has turned me into an angry and frustrated momma bear (someone I don't like) when I feel like precious time with my daughter is being stolen. I feel like, on days when she doesn't come with me, that I essentially only have two hours with her. One in the morning before we leave for work, and one before bedtime in the evenings. In the past six months, I have gone from being totally appalled that my husband would suggest that I leave my daughter for an evening so we could go to couples Bible study, to finally a reluctant acceptance of the fact that I am called to put my marriage first, in front of work and child (in some ways, for her sake).


In many ways I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish (especially as far as breastfeeding and working). As I continue on this path, I'm sure I will face many more challenges and will receive many joys as well. I just need to do what I can and put my total trust in my Savior to meet all our needs, which is always easier to type than to do!

I'm laying it all out here. I'm not usually so transparent with my feelings. I hope that by what I have written here that I can be an encouragement to just one other person and that perhaps I will be better understood as a person.

Abigail after her second meal of bananas. What a sweet doll!