Friday, June 10, 2005


Why do we even have a choice in life? It is so hard to chose and decide on things in life. Making sure you choose the right choice is becoming apparently more difficult. I desire to make an impact on others, to better my community, to make the fact that I care about others more apparent, and to be the person that Jesus wants me to be. The hard part is finding out who that is. Should we stay, should we move, should we look for jobs, when should we have kids, why, where, what, and how, etc. The questions are endless. I drive myself crazy worrying about all of those big decisions. I also worry about how my decisions will affect other people, my boss, my husband, our families, etc. So recently I decided that I had to stop the worrying (it isn't that easy but I feel I'm on the right path). I decided that if God wants to tell me to move or do something different he will just have to be fairly direct with me. I decided just to try and be a blessing where I am at. I have also found that doing this isn't easy and I really can't do it perfectly. That fact really drives me crazy sometimes.

As I look back on my life and I ponder things, I think back to when choices were easier for me. Believe it or not, it was when I was skinnier. I chose a college, a husband, a job, a major in college, etc. But the thing is . . . it wasn't because I was skinnier at all, it was because I had more self-confidence. I knew that God would direct my path and let me know the right choices to make. Where has that confidence in my life gone? This makes me sad. I want to live life to the fullest and if my weight is hindering me then why can't I just stop eating so much and then be happy. If anyone has figured out the meaning to life or what the solution to all this is, let me know. Sorry, very random blog.

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