Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Balance? Is it possible?

I've been struggling so much with balance lately. . . balance between resting and work. I spent one day a few weeks ago working my tail off. I made lots of food and cleaned a lot. Felt fine that day but the next day - whoa! Not good. I even called and moved up a midwife appointment because I thought I might be "progressing" some. I am not.

I've tried to take it easier since then but it's hard when discouragement sets in. Whenever that happens to me, all I want to do is to try harder in order to get things accomplished.

For example: I meant to have the kitchen clean today (it was on Monday!) but instead I spent the morning . . . accidentally dozing on the couch, cleaning up dog vomit (I have very very little love left for that dog since he's adding work to my life), refereeing kids, kissing wounded kids (Abigail started running when I was asleep and fell and hit her head - she's fine), finding out we had hardly no food in the house for lunch, ended up making spaghetti only to find out that Abigail wouldn't eat hardly any (she took a few mandatory bites), and the list could go on.

All of this is piled on the fact that I had a rough night with pretty painful yet not consistent contractions/cramps. I know they are Braxton Hicks but that still does not help the fact that I cannot sleep when I have them.

Beyond that, Andrew leaves for a 3-4 day business trip to New York the week after next. I feel a bit more at peace about this situation after talking through some "what-ifs" with a friend of mine this week.

In the midst of all of this life stuff that makes me so discouraged, I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am! I have so much to be thankful for that I could not even begin to list it all here. I am trying to soak in every moment of this pregnancy and feeling the baby move (is it really movement at this point or more like the kid is playing a soccer game inside) because it's probably going to be the last one!

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. These are just thought that bounce around in my head constantly. Always the push and pull of needing to keep things straightened up (after all - that's my job) and needing to rest so I don't feel awful later that night or the next day.

I guess the main thing is that I need to stop being so short-sighted. After all, I'm probably only going to be pregnant another 6-8 weeks (hopefully not 8!!) and so I will have plenty of time to clean and cook after the baby comes!!


Laura said...

Jaime--I know exactly how you feel (except for the pregnant part). Last night I was trying to finish my class and I could not concentrate for the life of me because the rug was covered in dog hair and all the floors needed vacuum or sweeping. After I cleaned my floors I felt immensely better. But I get so down on myself when the house is a mess and I don't have time to fix it. Anyway, you are not alone in this. Just keep enjoying your pregnancy!

Jennifer said...

I get so completely stressed out and grumpy when my house is a wreck. Add pregnancy to that...not good!! :) I was on my hands and knees on wood floors scrubbing our baseboards when I was 9 months pregnant. I HAD to get them clean. Yeah, I hurt a lot the next day. I think part of it is the nesting/pregnancy thing, part of it is just the constant struggle that a lot of us have as homemakers. The first couple of months after Isaac was born were pretty rough for me. It was a bigger/harder transition than I thought it would be for the kids, the holidays/traveling, etc. But things have settled down and I feel so much better. WILL get better (even if "better" means not being pregnant!! :)). Hang in there!

Jaime said...

Thanks for the support!!