When you think you know it all . . .

I just assumed that pregnancy #3 would be easy. In some ways it is a little easier but there are still unexpected events that I assumed would never happen! Sunday found me wondering if I was "progressing" some. I have been plagued by random and yet painful cramps and pressure since January. I decided to go ahead and move my appointment from Thursday to yesterday "just to check". Thankfully the midwife found no progress at all. This is a GOOOOOOD thing. You see, my darling husband is leaving next Sunday for several days for a business trip and I really don't want to have a baby or even feel like I'm having a baby without him here. I'm just astonished most days that I can't do more. I can only be up for about 15 to 30 minutes before the intense pressure starts (maybe he's a big baby!) and I have to lay down. I'm trying to be smart and to just scale back on doing "stuff" that isn't necessary. That is an incredibly difficult thing for me to do with my "achiever" personality. So I have decided for the next six weeks to just do what I feel like I can do and nothing more. So here is my pledge . . . I will not (for the next six to ten weeks) . . . - feel guilty if my kids watch a bit too much TV. - feel guilty if I don't get the laundry done or cleaning done the way I think it should be. - feel guilty if I don't provide fun "outings" and other forms of entertainment for my kids (after all, it's a great life skill for them to learn to entertain themselves). - feel guilty if I take a bath everyday. - feel guilty if everything is not perfectly ready for the baby to come (like washing all the old baby gear - I've started but I move slow!). And last but not least . . . the VERY VERY hardest of all . . . I WILL ask for help before things become an emergency! That is so hard for me! Anyway, I'm off to take my bath now, lay on my bed, and perhaps fold some laundry while laying on my bed. It's nap time, ya know!!

Snappy Confessions!

Thanks for reading my rant from yesterday and for your support. I got several things done this morning so I'm feeling better in that department but I'm still sick of myself in another way.

I have struggled (at least since have kids) with my short-temper. Thankfully Andrew does not have this problem but I just am not patient and especially when I'm uncomfortable. I hate the fact that the more pregnant I become, the shorter and snappier I get with my kids. I HATE it! Hate hate hate! The fact that I'm uncomfortable all the time and unable to physically do things is not their fault (it's their daddy's fault!! ha ha!). Anyway . . .

I'm trying hard to be patient and kind, I really am but the snapper in me is coming out way too often for my liking.

Even just now it happened.

To make a long story that is not worth telling, short, I will just say that before her nap I discovered Abigail had hid her pacifier's in the basement. I should have let her nap without them (and I did leave her with the impression she wasn't getting them) but she was screaming her head off and I covet the daily nap time so I can . . . umm shower, sit down, perhaps clean a bit. So I went and got them but not before I snapped at her.

Ugh! This bothers me so much more than what she did - that I cannot control my temper (I didn't yell - however - and was proud of that) and my response to an innocent situation.

Guess I simply cannot do it alone and need to pray for patience and kindness in these last days!!

Balance? Is it possible?

I've been struggling so much with balance lately. . . balance between resting and work. I spent one day a few weeks ago working my tail off. I made lots of food and cleaned a lot. Felt fine that day but the next day - whoa! Not good. I even called and moved up a midwife appointment because I thought I might be "progressing" some. I am not.

I've tried to take it easier since then but it's hard when discouragement sets in. Whenever that happens to me, all I want to do is to try harder in order to get things accomplished.

For example: I meant to have the kitchen clean today (it was on Monday!) but instead I spent the morning . . . accidentally dozing on the couch, cleaning up dog vomit (I have very very little love left for that dog since he's adding work to my life), refereeing kids, kissing wounded kids (Abigail started running when I was asleep and fell and hit her head - she's fine), finding out we had hardly no food in the house for lunch, ended up making spaghetti only to find out that Abigail wouldn't eat hardly any (she took a few mandatory bites), and the list could go on.

All of this is piled on the fact that I had a rough night with pretty painful yet not consistent contractions/cramps. I know they are Braxton Hicks but that still does not help the fact that I cannot sleep when I have them.

Beyond that, Andrew leaves for a 3-4 day business trip to New York the week after next. I feel a bit more at peace about this situation after talking through some "what-ifs" with a friend of mine this week.

In the midst of all of this life stuff that makes me so discouraged, I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am! I have so much to be thankful for that I could not even begin to list it all here. I am trying to soak in every moment of this pregnancy and feeling the baby move (is it really movement at this point or more like the kid is playing a soccer game inside) because it's probably going to be the last one!

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. These are just thought that bounce around in my head constantly. Always the push and pull of needing to keep things straightened up (after all - that's my job) and needing to rest so I don't feel awful later that night or the next day.

I guess the main thing is that I need to stop being so short-sighted. After all, I'm probably only going to be pregnant another 6-8 weeks (hopefully not 8!!) and so I will have plenty of time to clean and cook after the baby comes!!

Pineapple + Elsie = Don't Mix!

My apologies . . . these pictures are in reverse order. I forgot to upload them the other way and frankly, my time is limited so they'll have to stay this way!!

On March 9th, we started out the day like we do any other day, with fresh fruit for breakfast. I had a fresh pineapple in the fridge, so I cut it up and gave both girls a pretty good sized portion.

We finished our breakfast and I noticed Elsie's mouth was a little red and irritated looking.

The more time passed, the more I realized she was having a pretty nasty reaction. We had also eaten Oatmeal for breakfast and I really didn't think the reaction would have come from that. I called the doctor to ask about a dosage size for Benadryl and then watched her carefully all day.

Here are some photos from that day.

After the Benedryl and before her nap. She's looking better.

Abigail did not care for all the attention that was given her sister and was feeling sad . . . so I took her picture. :)

Mama and Elsie snuggling in the morning.

Such a pitiful sight! Poor girl.

Not feeling good at all. Later she even ran a fever for a few hours. I guess it was the allergen just fighting against her immune system.

So . . . if you're babysitting my kids - no peanut butter or pineapple!!!

Again?

I know I still have 7 to 8 weeks left (approximately) but this is the time in pregnancy where I really ask myself the question: Can I really do this again? Give birth, I mean. If I think too hard about it, I scare myself. If I don't think about it at all then I'm not mentally prepared.



Fine line!



I know I'll be fine and my confidence comes from the fact that I know I have the best birth coach a person could ask for: Andrew. Seriously. I absolutely give him full credit that I could not have drug-free births without his support, confidence, and calmness!!



The countdown is on!



32 weeks today!

If I go missing . . .

If I don't blog for the next 2 months, refer back to this post (I'm sure that won't happen but . . . you never know).

When I was pregnant with Abigail I was uncomfortable in the final stages but I remember lounging in the tub at 7 pm most nights. Watching movies on the laptop in bed and having my husband pick up dinner on his way home from work. Yes I was working too but my job consisted of me sitting in a chair, working on the computer and answering a phone.

When I was pregnant with Elsie I was uncomfortable but Andrew worked closer to home and was home more and I don't remember Abigail being that demanding at her age. I was still working and a few times I even took advantage of the fact that Abigail was at daycare, went home early, and had Andrew pick her up (maybe it was only once). I remember it being taxing with a little one but since the majority of my day was again. . . sitting at a desk typing and answering phones, not such a big deal.

This time around . . . . I had no idea how hard it would be to be pregnant with two small children and be a stay-at-home mom with them! I am wiped out! I am so thankful for my family and I wouldn't trade them for anything but it's just interesting to note that I didn't really realize how good I had it before (especially in my first pregnancy). :) Physical stuff, like picking up toys from the floor, carrying laundry, mopping, cleaning the tub, etc, is pretty much impossible at this point and I still have 8 weeks to go! My best defense is just to pace myself. So . . .

I'm off now to clean and rest, cook and clean and rest. Rinse. Repeat!

Abigail's Prayer

Abigail prayed before bed tonight and this is what she said:

"Dear God, Thank you for Elsie, and Mama, and Dada (whispering to me: "Mama, who else?" I told her to just pray for whoever she was thinking of), and Nana, and Uncle Brett, and RoRo. Thank you for their love. Amen."

I thought that was really sweet and wanted to write it down so I could remember it. I'm thankful for such a sweet and tender little girl!!

Soaked Whole Wheat Bread Triumph!

I have been trying for weeks now to bake bread for my family in order to save money and to be just a bit healtheir by avoiding many of the preservatives found in store-bought bread. It's been a struggle! Part of my problem is that I feel like I shouldn't struggle in baking. I honestly feel like a very experienced baker (from my 4-H days and just being a wife and mom) and that I shouldn't have flops. But alas, that's not true. I have killed the yeast and not let bread rise long enough, etc.

I think I have finally conquered the bread baking today! Yeah! I am particularly excited about this recipe because of several reasons.

1. It is a soaked bread recipe. If you don't know anything about soaking grains, I would encourage you to read this article. www.thenourishinggourmet.com/2008/03/nourishing-practices-soaking-grains-2.html.

2. It uses mostly whole wheat and spelt with just a little white flour. I was making all white flour bread with poor results so I'm thrilled these turned out so well with the whole wheat.

I cannot take credit for the recipe, so if you want it, you'll have to visit the blog I got it from. www.musingsofahousewife.com/2010/01/homemade-whole-wheat-sandwich-bread.html

Here is a picture of my finished product today. They were baked in two different styles of pan (I'm trying to switch to all glass or ceramic baking pans and get away from using teflon coated) which is why they look different. Yum!

Abigail's verdit was . . . yum! We'll have to see what Andrew's opinion is after he arrives home from work today.