Right now I'm struggling with something. . . for the first time since we got married, I will not be bringing in one dime of income for our family.
Wow. I didn't know giving this up would be so hard.
The first year of our marriage, I was still in school so Andrew worked to support us, yet, I still worked a part-time job. Then I was out of work for two weeks when we moved here, and I did quit my full-time job in November '09 to be at home with the kids yet since that time I've always found it possible to help out financially in some way - whether it was insurance money, voice lesson income, or a small part-time job.
I can't really figure out why this is so hard for me. My husband wants me to do it and I realize that as a mom with three very young kids, my priority needs to be at home right now.
These are just the possible reasons for feeling so challenged by this:
- In my generation, there is not much value placed on women who stay at home with their kids.
- I feel like I will have nothing of my own if I don't actually make an income.
- I will be totally dependent on another human for my needs (I know I have done this before but it's just different as an adult).
- I won't have an excuse to "get away" once a week or so to work.
- I feel a much bigger sense of accomplishment from completing a task for work than I do from cleaning out the dishwasher, laundry, or changing a diaper.
- I am an incredibly short-sighted person so while I know there will be many years for me to help contribute financially to the family, it's hard for me to see when these years of little ones with big needs will end.
- I manage the budget and know the household expenses. My husband is a very capable provider and I know he can make the extra we need to cover everything but I also want to be a help and to not place that extra burden on him.
I'm quitting to focus on my family and because I cannot put in the hours that my employer has requested. I know that is not fair to them.
Tuesday may be my last day at work. I'm not sure yet. On the bright side, I am looking forward to having my free time - a.k.a. nap time - available to do other things, like blog or clean or even relax (what a concept).
Anyway, I'd love to hear from you!